If the mere fear of being pregnant causes me to loose my senses, then I can only imagine what will happen when the fear comes true. Yesterday I wandered around the grocery store for over half an hour for a list of ten items. I forgot two of those items. I then stood in a regular (not express) lane, because I thought I had too many. Items, that is. When I returned home to an email from a student I replied in anger. Or frustration. The tone was evident. I can never mask my emotions. No doubt the young man who checked me out at Publix was avoiding me, too. I asked Mike to pour me a glass of bourbon before I went to take a test.
"Shouldn't you wait until after the test to drink it?" he wisely asked.
"Depending on that test's result, this might be the last time I can taste it for nine months," I rationalized before acquiescing to his wisdom and just peeing already. When I received the "one line for not pregnant" he handed me the top-shelf stuff on the rocks!
Ten days ago I began worrying, when for the second month in a row my predictable body defied predictions. Two months in a row.
Explanation one: I work out a lot more these days.
Explanation two: I've always been irregular but never paid attention when I was single, and years of contraceptive-regulation made me forget.
I really want babies -- I know I do. I can't explain my nervousness.
4 comments:
Been there! Love the bourbon part. Mine was a Hendricks martini straight up with a twist. But, you see where that got me :).
See you soon.
Heh. Well, it *is* one of the single most terrifying things you can do. In a good way. ;)
I am so excited about our upcoming baby that I can't stand and it... and yet. Some days the fear is just ridiculous. Most embarrassing of all I have yet to dream of actually having a baby. Instead I keep dreaming of taking our badly behaved chimpanzee to the pediatrician. Honest to God, Mickey, it's recurring.
BABY BARNOS!!!!!!!! I cannot wait -- all in God's perfect time my friend! In the mean time -- CHEERS! =)
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